Wishful thinking

 So... Now he got mad for something I didn't do (which was, apparently, talk to him "not nice"...) It was, really, because I was playing and started laughing and making "I'm so offended" noises... He wanted to know what happened and I just told him "Oh, nothing, I was in battleground"... And that was it, he interpreted it as me being mad because I answered "bad"...

But it's always the same thing: I'm the one that uses a tone que dislikes, and he gets mad despite the fact I didn't use a tone or anything. I immediately felt sick, of course, and my stomach feels not good...

So I just left the room to go change clothes, so I could get out of his way because he was gonna give a class... Next thing I knew, he came into the living room to say "excuse me if I bother you when I talk to you", in his angriest voice. And he closed the door, which he despises doing...

So, again, I'm the mean person...

And I'm so tired of that

I just wanted to leave the house immediately... But it's useless if I have no money and no place I could go to...

And, then, I just consoled myself by staring at the scissors and thinking about how easy would be to kill myself and stop with the crying and the pain...

Isn't that messed up? 

Trying to feel better by thinking I could kill myself at any given moment...

How... horrible...?

Pathetic...?

Broken...?