I woke up from a nap, feeling like he was only a dream I had...

Which is a little sad

But I also know we won't meet, despite every fantasy I ever had about him...

We won't meet... Ever...

And part of me wishes we could really do everything we have talked about...

And the other part of me is grateful that he would never see me as I really am, with my belly, with all this fat I've learned to hate over the years...

Do I have to let him go...?

Do I have to accept that...?

Also, nobody has written to me in a while... Which makes me feel all alone again... 

Does it have to be me the one that always write? The one that tries to reach... The one that tries to make talk, even though I am the least apt for that...?

Would I ever be a proper social person...?

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