Priorities

 My anxiety levels are through the roof right now...

I don't think he should be with me, in all honesty.... I think J deserves better... 

I told him I'll break it out with P but I feel I can't... 

And this whole fucking mess is my fault...

I didn't know things with J would reach this level... I should have never let it happen...

Worst part is... I like J... Our connection is amazing... 

But he would never be the most important one for me... He would never be my top priority...

Bf is...

And him.

Always him.

And I know, in turn, I will never be his priority... I've always known... But I don't quite care... I don't know why... Our connection is the wildest there is, among each and every one of them. Sometimes, it's even more powerful than with bf. 

I don't know if that's the infatuation talking... Am I really in love with him? I smile everytime I think about him... I'm plain stupid...

And J deserves better...

And P deserves different...

And I just need to back off...