Sharp mistakes...

 So... My fabric scissors are sharp... I did not expect them to cut flesh, really...

I'll just have to get away from them too, and not only from knives...

What a stupid person I am, no doubt

I did not apply any pressure, I was not trying to kill myself or anything...

I was just curious all of a sudden... and just grabbed the scissors, opened the blades, and swiftly moved them over the skin on my arm, on a horizontal motion... I even was careful were to put the edge so it wouldn't be a problem in case I was wrong... Nothing happened.

And then, it started to bleed a little. Just a flesh wound. 

Just a flesh wound. 

Nothing more. I did not apply any pressure because I was not trying to hurt myself, really... I was just curious...

But I mentioned it to J and he lost it... He thought it was his fault because he said something during sex... And that made me cry because I felt like I was a dissapointment for him... 

He thought that what he said pushed me to try and kill myself, which it's not the truth... He thought that, at least, he pushed me to hurt myself because of what he had said, and now he won't hear anything I have to say... 

I shouldn't have said anything to him... He can't see me, anyway because he's not here... I just... can't lie to him... I should have never mentioned it to him, it's all my fault...

He is going to end our relationship because of this... And it's all my fucking fault...

But... He is going to be free of me... Maybe it would not be so bad, after all...?