I forgot how to breathe...

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Understanding

 I don't understand what's love anymore... For every person it means something different, and even when you think you and your significant other may feel similar, with time you realize you don't really understand... And I don't get it, I don't know what to do or how to act anymore...
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Struggling and coping

 It turns out my only remaining cat can't live without me now... She decided to move into the bedroom with us and into the bed with me, and we let her because, otherwise, she'll just spend hours screaming bloody murder... Apparently, she misses her brother... She wakes me up at random times during the night for me to pet her, and won't stop meowing -well, more like squeaking- until I do... And she keeps scratching my blanket... Even worse, I've been sneezing a lot lately, and my eyes are kinda itchy... 
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Imaginary future

Our new clan boss called a meeting for today, and it kinda sounded ominous... Anxiety, immediately, took me What I want to know, more than anything, is if he  is coming back...  Two days ago I discovered I cannot message him anymore because we're not discord friends... I immediately started to cry... I allowed it for only a minute because I was not alone and I was certainly not in the mood for explanations... I've been trying to convince myself that he would not leave me like that, that he must be really busy and focused on his family... And for now, that's what has been keeping me from falling apart... I wonder if our new boss knows something more specific... As I constantly mentioned to some friends, if he is leaving the clan and/or the game, I'm out...  And I'm dreading that decision... I don't want to be alone again... But I refuse to stay if he won't be there anymore... And I refuse to join another place... I'll be heartbroken...
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