Anxiety attack

 I went in-game and realized there was the message in wb channel that our friend had already left... It made me feel more miserable than I anticipated...

And then, everything I had talked with my therapist came tumbling down on me... 

It happened too fast, this new relationship... And what if I'm making a mistake in thinking he is truly sincere, when in reality he's just telling me what he thinks I wanna hear?

As uncertainty invaded me, along with the sadness, I began to have problems breathing and started crying... 

Anxiety attack

I didn't know who to turn to... I was alone in the house, and in game there where not many options... 

C was there... And him... But I couldn't gather the courage to contact him, with everything he's going through...

So I turned to C...

C didn't quite understand what was my problem but he managed to calm me down... We have talked about having anxiety before, so it was not difficult for him to know that I needed help and kept talking to me... I opened to him, said I was having issues with trusting someone and also that my friend left the game... He asked about it, and wanted to know who were the people I was talking about... I just answered about the friend who left, but did not manage to tell him who was the person I was having the real issue with... At some point I think he mixed both subjects, but I was not about to correct him...

Finally, I was able to breathe normally, and stopped crying... C brought the topic of a pic I sent him earlier today on discord, trying to joke about how I made a mistake by sending him a pic where he could guess I was not wearing anything... We joked a little...

But then he asked me to sent him more pics like that... For a moment, it was a joke, but then I got the feeling that he was kind of charging me for his help... 

I gave...

I don't know if it was because I was feeling too sensitive, or too anxious still, or because I just wanted him to stay with me, but I did share another pic with him... It wasn't a nude, of course, but it was really personal...

I asked him to never share it and he assured me he was not like that...

That kind of answer made me think that I may be making mistake after mistake after mistake... Can I really trust these people? Can I really believe they won't share my pics? My face is not visible in the pics I have shared with him and him... But, still, what if...?