Dysfunctional

 I think I finally understood

It's all an illusion

Nothing is real

They all just want me to sex them up, to make them feel wanted, desired, loved...?

It's not me they want

I'm just the medium

The tool

...

But to me, it was always more than that...

It was a friendship, an opportunity, a long long distance relationship...

Of course I'm the only one to blame, really...

I'm the one that didn't understand

I'm the one who didn't realize...

The one who took it too seriously...

...

And it's obvious, and embarrassing, and idiotic...

I'm always two steps behind...

I have always been this way...

I just thought, for a moment, oh, I thought I  finally caught up to everyone else....

But no

I'm mistaken again...

I'm just too stupid to see, too stupid to understand...

I'll never be able to catch up

I'll never be able to be a proper funcional human being like everybody else...